Best Friends for Life, Part 2 ("Hard to Say I'm Sorry")

My blog readers know that back in July I wrote an entry about my relationship with my best girlfriend.  At that time, I was confident we would be best friends forever.  Now, I am not so sure.  What happened?  I'm quite sure you are wondering.  Well, never fear, I will certainly tell you!

It started on that July day when she called to ask my advice about a certain man.  At the time, I didn't think too much about it.  I just figured it was a temporary insanity type of thing.  You see, this man she had met while she was in vacation in another country.  And he wasn't a fellow tourist--he actually resided there.  So, I assumed my BF, who is full of wisdom, intelligence, and common sense, would realize that this was a no-win situation.  Unfortunately, she did not and persisted in her fantasy.

Being the good best friend that I am, I sent her an e-mail that expressed my concern about her getting involved in a relationship with a man that she barely knew that lived in another country.  Let me just say here that I had the BEST INTENTIONS in writing this e-mail.  I love my best friend.  I am very loyal to my friends and protective of people that I love.  The thought of her being used or getting hurt was not something I wanted to risk.  So, I expressed my concerns to her. 

She responded to me in a way that was very hurtful.  Basically, her message to me was that I do not have good judgment in relationships.  I mean, look at all the past experiences I have had where I have been stupid, naive, or just plain crazy.  It was a very hurtful e-mail to receive and brought up a lot of old wounds.  The e-mail felt mean-spirited.

I didn't respond right away.  My first reaction was to lash out in anger and hurt, but I resisted.  Then, I wanted to be sarcastic and mean, but I resisted that impulse as well.  Finally, I decided to be truthful and open about how I felt, so I sent a reply that did just that.

I soon got a reply e-mail.  I was nervous to open it, but then I thought, "Surely she will realize I was being a loving, caring friend when I wrote to her, and she was not that way in return, so she will apologize."  Wrong!  Here is what I got in return:  Dear Kim, I'm sorry if referencing your past experiences caused you distress.  My intent was only to understand why you would think it necessary to tell me how to manage my own relationships instead of being supportive and just encouraging me to consider the pros and cons.  I think if you are going to tell others what to do with their relationships, you should expect the conversation to sometimes go both ways.  

WTH???

I didn't respond, and at this time I'm not planning on responding.  Obviously she doesn't get that I wrote to her out of love and concern.  She also doesn't get that her reply message to me was very hurtful, and she doesn't think she did anything wrong.

At this point, I'm wondering if continuing in this relationship is worth it.  I hate to drop a friend after 34 years.  But is it worth it to turn the other cheek and go on?  Would this be a case of forgiving someone, or would it be a case of allowing someone to trample my feelings?  I just don't know.  Readers (and most of you are my friends as well), what should I do?  What would you do?  And why is it so hard for people to say three simple words:  I am sorry.

Best Friends for Life

My best friend called me this morning. 
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Not much, getting ready to go shopping," I replied.
"Good!  You need to Facebook someone for me."
Now, half of the world's population is on Facebook, but not my best friend.  She refuses.  I have tried to urge her to become one with the world, explaining how fun it is to reconnect with old friends, but she just won't do it.
Anyhow, I settled in front of my computer to do a search for her.  And yes, you guessed right, she wanted me to check out a man she had met.  So after I gave her all the info I could find on this guy, we discussed the situation, and I gave her my advice, which forever after now will be known as Kim's Tips on Men. 

1. Once you've expressed your interest, DO NOT CONTACT HIM AGAIN.  Wait until he initiates contact.
2. Men are HUNTERS.  They like the chase and the pursuit.  DO NOT make it easy for them.
3. Don't ask questions like "Did you get my e-mail?"  That can sound too needy, demanding, or insecure.  Instead, rephrase questions as statements.  "I sent you an e-mail" (include a smiley face).
4. Avoid, avoid, avoid the BUT statements.   Do not say things like "I want to see you again but I want to get to know you better first before I travel all the way there."  Instead, say "I do want to see you again.  In the meantime, I would really like to get to know you better.  Maybe we could Skype or something."

After we covered all of my rules, I started wondering why anyone would even want my advice on men.  After all, I've never been married and have had plenty of disastrous relationships.  Then I realized that it wasn't so much about hearing my advice that my best friend wanted.  It was about the connection that we have.  You see, we have known each other since junior high school.  I remember sitting in band class with her, giggling about the guy we thought was cute.  I remember cruising the mall with her in high school, looking for young hotties.  I remember going to see her when she was in college and going to a bar to check out the band member that she had a crush on.  I remember long phone conversations and long letters where we discussed our latest relationships.  Sitting cross-legged on my childhood bed, sipping wine in her living room, talking on our cell phones--one thing that never changes is that we discuss men. 
Will we continue to gab like this until we are old ladies?  I hope so.  Will we continue to talk about men?  Probably.  Will we giggle and carry on like school girls?  Most likely.  We have a connection, and that connection will last as long as we live.